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131 Kid "Mummy! Mummy! There is a man with a bill at the door" Mother "Dont be silly dear, it must be a duck with a hat on!"

132 Q: What do you call a fly with no wings? A: A walk

133 A shipwreck survivor washes up on the beach of an island and is immediately surrounded by a group of native warriors. "I'm done for", the man cries in despair.

"No you are not," comes a booming voice from the heavens. "Listen carefully, and do exactly as I say. Grab the spear from the one who is beside you and shove it through the heart of the chief."

The man does so, and the remainder of the band stare in disbelief. "Now, what?" the man asks the heavens.

"Now, you are done for."

134 Two caterpillars were crawling along a leaf when a butterfly flew past overhead. One caterpillar turned to the other one and said: "You'll never

get me up in one of those things !"

135 A man walks into a chip and asks for fish and chips twice please. The man behind the counter says "I heard you the first time"

136 I was in the waiting room of my doctor's office the other day when the doctor started yelling, "Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!" I went up to the nurse and asked her what the hell was going on. She told me that the doctor liked to call the shots.

137 Why is a tractor magic?

Because it can go down a road and turn into a field!

138 ?Sally, can you spell ?water? for me?? The teacher asked. H I J K L M N 0 answered Sally promptly

Her teacher look puzzled. ?That doesn?t spell ?water.?? ?Sure it does,? said Sally. ?It?s all the letters from H to O.?

139 A man walks into a bar and notices two pieces of beef nailed to the ceiling. He asks the barman why they're there. "It's a competition. If you can climb up there and get those bits of meat down you'll get free drinks all night. But if you try and fail then you'll have to buy a round for everyone in the pub. Do you fancy having a go?" The man has a long, hard look at the ceiling before saying, "No, I'll just have a pint thanks. The steaks are too high."

140 Close your eyes. Dark isn't it?

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